#12 live by the dice        #13 spend a day going backwards

Both of these are interesting and amusing practices in themselves, taken literally. But they have also set fireworks under some interesting themes/questions which had been hovering foggily in and about my head.

#13 - travelling backwards (on trains, mostly!) was about unravelling and simplicity, questions and open spaces. And here's a question: how on earth, on earth is is possible to be properly receptive to the hopes, dreams, fears, lonelinesses and lives of friends and strangers and not disintegrate into a million pieces. HOW?

On #12: the question has been - what does it mean to 'live by the Spirit?' While first thoughts were mostly around the incredible and exciting possibilities exploding out of letting go, of leaning back in trust into maps discerned, and navigating through clues and treasure maps; through a number of conversations with friends and other people this week I think I have learned a new thing (although feel free to re-revise/challenge this. call it a tentative hypothesis).

That is, that it's not just about maps (beautiful as they are); these are all pointing beyond themselves, to real life, which is messy and chaotic, and full of meshes of unpredictable human relationships. SO living by the Spirit is not just about discernment, but also about decision-making. Therefore, it's not just about intuition, but also about commitments; not only about trust and falling back, but also steps of faith and risk taken out of the belief and conviction that God's spirit is in us and our desires are good (although they may not be met in the way we are able to imagine). 

As a new friend from Sweden writes wisely - 'i think it pretty much comes down to ignoring fear.'

This leaves two brand new question which baffle and petrify me absolutely.

What do you want? What are you prepared to fight for?